Jack Be Nimble

Jack Of-All-Trades bounded across the grass at top speed. He’d arrived just ahead of his pursuers, but that lead was closing with every second. The pouch at his side jingled and swayed with his ill-gotten gains, shiny coins and precious gems clinking and clanking as they collided. He spared the briefest thought to hope that they wouldn’t be too badly scratched up in the chase, and then directed his attention back to navigating the treacherous landscape. He knew she was nearby somewhere, she’d said this was where she was going - unless that was a lie, one of her little jokes. As he gnawed nervously at his lip, his claw caught a vine and sent him tumbling head over heels like a furry buzzsaw for several feet, nearly causing him to bite a new hole clean through himself. After that, he kept his attention focused forward.

It wasn’t hard to see her from a distance - she was the huge glimmering golden mass in the valley just ahead. That meant the crowd hot on his heels could probably surmise where he was headed. Hopefully they were more scared of her than they were furious at him. She had her head low down to the ground, observing a patch of sentient carnivorous plants. A cete of badgers had chased a pack of rabbits into the slavering shrubbery, and she watched impassively as bunnies alternately dodged the snapping jaws or were snatched up and devoured, either by one predator or the other. A few lucky ones exited the shrubbery unharmed or with superficial injuries and scrambled away. Most fascinating of all to her were the few badgers that fell prey to the plants. The sight of a predator dropping down the food chain was not an uncommon one, but it was interesting all the same.

The Librarian heard a scuffling nearby and raised her great head, her serpentine neck twisting as she searched for the source of the sound. She watched the little green blur that was Jack Of-All-Trades shoot down the slope towards her,  and he affixed a forced smile when he saw her eyes focus on him. He didn’t slow down as he approached, and she didn’t bother to move out of the way. He skidded across the ground and impacted with a FWOOMP into her side, disappearing among her massive golden feathers. He was a scrawny little Starlyng, and at her Draconic scale she could have covered him entirely with one paw. He didn’t even bother calling out to her to explain. He wouldn’t have had time anyway - moments after her feathers settled back into place over him, his pursuers crested the hill.

It was abundantly clear where he had gone, but not one of the assembled mob had the guts to approach. They came to an abrupt halt, stumbling and bumping into one another, murmuring with concern. The Librarian regarded them with a cool, calm smile, not a hint of hostility present, yet they shied away from her gaze. They’d heard the stories. One by one, they made peace with the loss of their precious jewelry, heirlooms, and coins. They backed up slowly, then turned and shuffled away at speed, throwing an occasional glance over their shoulders to make sure she wasn’t coming after them.

When the last one had disappeared behind the hill again, The Librarian spoke.

“They’re gone, Oats,” she sang out. “Wanna tell me what’s going on?”

Jack poked his snout out cautiously, eyes barely moving past the curtain of feathers that lay over him. The Librarian shifted and pushed him fully out with a paw, eliciting an offended squawk.

“HEY! Hey-hey heeeeyyyy Librarian, ha-ha, how are ya, it’s been a minute!” His nervous greeting was met with silence. “Oh, those guys? Those guys just ah, they didn’t read the fine print, y’know, ‘no refunds’ and all that, some people are such sore losers, heh heeehhh…” More silence. She began to drum her claws on the ground. “Uh, thanks for the save, I should get going, these shinies aren’t gonna bury themselves, soooo…”

The Librarian shifted again, settling her long body down in a resting position, laying full length across the ground. Jack held perfectly still in terror - it was like the shifting of tectonic plates, the ground literally rumbling under her. She crossed her paws behind Jack, trapping him in a triangle with two sides composed of her arms and the third the great expanse of her chest.

“Oh, don’t go just yet,” she said again, her voice cheerful as ever, but carrying an edge that chilled him to the core, “You owe me for this, aaaand I think I remember you owed me from last time too…?”

“Ohh, right, the debt! Ha, I didn’t get you back for the location of those ruins last month, did I… Well, uh, what have I learned recently, lemme see…” He fumbled in his bag, pushing aside his spoils to dig out a little battered black book. At the sight of it, The Librarian’s eyes took on an extra glimmer. This was Jack’s real treasure - he’d taken enough hits over the years from the victims of his scams that his form was damaged, and with it his memory. He kept careful, extensive notes about everyone who crossed his path, every cheat and con he’d run, and the location of all his ill-gotten gains across the galaxy. The gains themselves were not of interest to The Librarian, but she knew many who wanted their valuables back, so the information was at a premium. She smiled beatifically at him and waited as he thumbed through the pages with trembling paws. He passed over the pages of stashed loot for now. He’d fought hard to earn it and he loathed giving it up - that would be an absolute last resort. But he had heard some juicy relationship drama recently, some Starlyngs that had coupled and fallen out, some midnight dealings of dubious morality, and…

Flipping to one of the latest pages in the book, Jack paused. A grin spread slowly across his shifty face. He glanced up at The Librarian with a smug air and tapped his claws on the cover.

“Woooould you…” he drawled, dragging it out to build the anticipation. “Like to hear about one… Lorem Ipsum?”

Air rushed past Jack’s face as The Librarian’s face shot down to his level to stare wide-eyed at him. “Yes?? Obviously?? Oh my stars, did you MEET her?”

“Not only did I meet her,” Jack replied, “I followed her and watched her trying to collect information to pay you back. What a farce!”

Jack recounted the events in detail, referencing back to his book now and again to jog his memory. The Librarian hung on his every word.

He’d spotted Lorem from across a crowded marketplace. He may have exaggerated a little when he said he ‘met’ her - he’d ducked out of sight as quickly as possible and stayed low. She didn’t like him one bit and he wasn’t looking for a fight. She looked pissed. Well, she nearly always looked pissed, but today she looked madder than usual. It was clear she was in the middle of a long, fruitless search, and the bustling crowd and heat of the day were only compounding her foul mood. Jack slipped closer bit by bit, finally getting in range to hear her back and forth with a merchant selling tomes. She was insisting that the third edition of Baum’s History of the Stars was absolute crap, not even fit to pulp into toilet paper, and only the SIXTH edition would do. The merchant was telling her that they understood her complaint, but since the third edition was all that they had in stock, it was the third edition now, or wait four weeks for shipping and pay extra for the cost of tracking down such a rare printing. Lorem seemed fixated on the fact that any reputable merchant of lore wouldn’t have bothered with the third edition in the first place and that there must be some copy of the sixth edition on a shelf somewhere or hidden in the back, because otherwise she had been sent on a wild goose chase to completely waste her afternoon here. The merchant maintained that that may be the case, and if Miss Ipsum would care to fork over the required cost and wait the aforementioned period of time, a sixth edition could be procured, but it would not magically appear fully formed out of smoke just because she raised her voice and said mean words.

Jack had listened to this go on for about twenty minutes before Lorem stormed out in a huff, nearly bumping into him where he leaned against the store’s front. He thought he was done for, but she was so blinded with rage that she hardly took notice of him. From there, she meandered around the market looking for other booksellers and mostly coming up short. She then spent half an hour shopping for cravats, and Jack figured that was as much entertainment as he was going to get for the day, and made himself scarce.

He snapped the book shut and bathed in the ringing laughter that came from The Librarian’s huge snout. She giggled with delight at the mental image of Lorem stomping her foot and shouting at a bemused but stoic bookseller, and at the ridiculousness of the quest in the first place - of COURSE she had read Baum’s History of the Stars, sixth edition! And not only had she read it, but she’d also found several inaccuracies and at least two typos. It was just too much. She laughed and laughed.

The Librarian wiped away a tear as she settled down, sighing. “Oh, Jack, I can always count on you. Now you only owe me for one save!”

Jack frowned. “Shouldn’t that be good enough to count for two?”

She grinned down at him and ruffled his ears with a massive paw. “Aw, Oats, that really shouldn’t even count for one, it’s practically useless information. But it was funny, soooo…” Her eyes took on that glimmering sheen again. “But if you wanted to tell me, say, where you buried your stash after clearing out the Rubicon Casino…”

He batted at her hand and stowed his book with a scowl. “Maybe next time, Librarian. I really gotta get going. Thanks again.”

“Don’t be a stranger,” she cooed as he bounded away on all fours. “And bring me something juicy next time!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jack muttered to himself. “If I’m smart, there won’t be a next time.”
But of course, there would.